Yes it took me five months to refer myself to Steps2Wellbeing. I just kept putting it off and finding an excuse to not do it. But It got to a point when I thought it really needs to be done and I need to get better. Not only for myself but for the people around me, it was effecting my relationship with my partner and also my work. Now I’m a self employed Gardener/ Landscape Garden and I work for my brothers company, working very closely with him. So my mental health was really putting a strain on not only work but with my brother too. So I bit the bullet. I came home from work, on an evening that my partner was working and I did it. The following day I had a phone call from Steps2Wellbeing to sort out an appointment. 

Two weeks later I was sat in the car ready to go in to the appointment I was not looking forward to it. I didn’t know if I was going to speak with a man or woman, I just didn’t know what to expect. So I built up all my courage and got out of the car. I start walking towards this 1940s military communications looking building thinking I was about to have a lobotomy done on me. I opened the door and it just looked like a classic NHS doctors surgery. Grey walls, Brown easy wipe benches and a reception window that slid open so you could speak to whoever was on the other side. I looked around, it seemed shut. But all the lights where on and I could hear people further into to the building talking and typing on their computers. The walls of the waiting room were covered in posters and flyers about mental health. One of the posters in big bold writing said “MENTAL HEALTH WE ALL HAVE IT”. I thought no shit Sherlock. I looked through the window to the reception to see if anyone was in there and noticed there wasn’t. I saw that there was a doorbell on the wall and a big sticker next to it saying ‘Press this if know one is here’. I felt like I was in a horror film, ‘a young man struggling with his mental health seeks to find help but when he does he finds out something deeper is going on, coming to a cinema near you its “The Counsellor”’.

Sorry about that I have a wandering imagination, anyway I press the button and this twenty something girl comes running towards the reception apologises for taking so long (she was there like five seconds after I pressed the button) and asks me for my name. She told me to take a seat and fill in one of the questionnaires that are on the stand on the table in the corner. So I do just that. I started looking over the questionnaire thing great now I’ve got to read and write, I didn’t know I would have to do that when I signed up for this. Regardless, all the questions are based on a numbering system. The first eleven questions start with the question “Over the last two weeks have you?…”, and then it asks a series of different questions that you have to rate from 0 – 3, ‘0’ being “Not At All” and ‘3’ being “Nearly Everyday”. Im not going to go into too much detail, here’s a link to where you can take a look for yourself https://www.corc.uk.net/media/1265/phq-9_selfreport.pdf and https://www.corc.uk.net/media/1211/gad-7-how-are-things.pdf .

Just as I completed the questionnaire the girl came back to the waiting room and said that she was ready for me to come through. I sat in the small office rather nervous because as you know I’m not to confident talking to a female about this type of thing. She explained what she would like for us to achieve in the appointment, which was to find out what I want to change and find the best route to go down. She made me feel really at ease very quickly by asking me questions and letting me answer in my own time. It wasn’t like she just asked me to talk about how I was feeling for half an hour we worked through it all together and she took notes as we went along. We came to the conclusion that I need to work on my anger, motivation and the way I think and act in a situation.

She then gave me two options. First option was counselling, so that would involve a one to one meeting with a counsellor talking about what has happened to me in my past looking for the root of the problem. The second option was CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which would be a seven week course with other people in my situation, in a class room setting learning about techniques to handle D&A. I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to and its not like an AA meeting. Personally that was the one for me. There hasn’t been anything in my past that has been really traumatic to effect me badly in anyway that would make me think I need the first option. CBT would start three weeks time and she said that to get started she would add me to a webinar that would be happen in a weeks time, that gave you the basics on starting the journey to getting better. 

By the end of the appointment I felt really good. It was really nice to be able to get it all out to someone you don’t even know. No judgments, nobody getting upset and someone that might not understand but wants to help you. I’m not say that the people that I am close to do that but I think talking to someone that doesn’t even know me, there’s something liberating about it. 

If you are putting it off like I did for a long time, I understand. But if you don’t want to feel the way do anymore. Do It. If you are in the UK go to steps2wellbeing.co.uk and refer yourself today. You will feel like a weight has been lifted.